When I received my new assignment in Calamba, I had initial doubts and hesitations in accepting it. It is not because the community of brothers there is unbearable. Far from it, it is considered one of the best we have in the Province. The reason behind my fear is the ministry of the brothers assigned there. The community ministers to a College, making education their primary apostolate. I saw myself unfit and unprepared for this kind of ministry. Yes, I taught some courses before, but education apostolate is more than teaching. It involves management as well. I never held an administrative or financial-related office back in the seminary. My initial questions and thoughts were: What will I do there? I know nothing about CHED and DepEd's regulations. I have no experience in managing financial matters. When my new assignment was handed on to me, I was given a few minutes to decide. I accepted it, in faith and obedience. Since then I never had a single regret for doing so.
We receive a lot of assignments, tasks, missions, and roles in our lifetime. In our life as Christians, we are constantly invited by God to follow Him: to live a holy life in accordance with His will. We may perceive ourselves unworthy and weak for this vocation towards holiness; incapable of loving the most unlovable, relying solely upon Divine Providence, faithfully obeying His plan for us etc. But who among us can claim to be worthy of his vocation; that it is his right to assume the mission God bestows upon him? Isaiah had unclean lips. Paul was a persecutor of Christians. Peter was a fisherman who caught nothing despite his efforts to fish overnight and confessed that he was a sinful man. With the standard of God, no one, by the merit of his own strength, can step forward and assert himself as one fit for the life which God has given.
God calls us not because of our strength, not because we are qualified, perfect, sinless, unspotted or unblemished. Even when we respond, God knows in the future that we will fail Him. We will commit mistakes and sins. Christ knew Peter will betray Him three times and will be cowed by the persecutions in Rome. He called him nevertheless and made him the Rock on which His Church is built.
God is calling us in spite of our fragility and brokenness. We all have weaknesses and shortcomings, but God calls us nevertheless, for He desires one thing: that we may be with Him, and that we may be strong and whole again. We can respond in two ways: We can focus on ourselves, on our weakness, and on being unqualified; or we can embrace the call God is giving us and focus on His grace and mercy that would qualify us and perfect us for this life. Would you focus on your weakness and own strength? Would you rather trust and obey God? How do you respond to His invitations?
We may be tempted to think that it is impossible to be his faithful disciples because of our weakness. Isaiah, Paul, and Peter had weaknesses and sins. They never focused on their iniquities but on the grace and mercy of God at work in their lives. Through the mercy of God, they realized that they are more than their sins and brokenness; that they can love in as much as they are beloved by God. It is not so much about their own powers and capabilities, but about the One who called them to the life they lived.
In responding to God's call to follow Him and be holy, we may have our reservations and fears based on our self-perception or on the things unknown to us. As He calls us, He tells us: Duc in Altum. Cast into the deep. You do not know what is there in the deep. You do not know where God will send you or whether you can do it or not. Answer and obey nevertheless, for it is the Lord who calls us and assures us that he will be with us all as we plunge ourselves into His will and plan for us.
Trust God. Rely on Him more than in our own abilities (for many times we had been disappointed by our own capabilities). Obey Him. Our journey in responding and doing his will may lead to suffering and death, but God promises eternal life for those who follow Him. It will never end in a Calvary but will lead to resurrection and eternal life.
God is waiting for our response; for us to open our mouths like the prophet Isaiah; to let Him take over our boats and nets like in the case of Peter. God is waiting for you to let Him enter into your life. Isaiah, Paul and Peter had considered themselves inferior, unworthy, and not qualified. But because they allowed God to touch their lives, they were transformed in becoming his prophet and apostles. God is waiting for you to cast into the deep, unknot the rope and sail to unfamiliar seas towards the port of heaven.
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