FALLING OUT OF LOVE

Summer 2011 - Falling in love is the greatest experience man can ever have, for love is the ‘greatest of them all.’ love is greatest, so great others describe God with love (Deus caritas est). The experience is indescribable; indefinable. The feeling consumes the very being of man. Love is great. It had waged thousands of wars in the history of man. Many have lost, while others have gained their lives, in the name of love. Some even lost their being, to be one with love; becoming great. the sensation indeed is lasting, more than lusting.  

If falling in love is the greatest life experience man can ever encounter in the world, then falling out of love is the worst of them all. The sight of separation from the beloved by the lover is such a chilling sight. It is painful. It tears apart the very core of existence. It leaves man in a vacuum of oblivion, with no direction, not knowing where to go, why to be. No one desires such. No one deserves such. 

On the summer of this year, I fell out of love. Oh no, perhaps, it is much to put it this way; I discovered that I had fallen out of love with my family for a long time ago. I was scared. I did not know what to do nor what to say. I simply knew I did not anymore know how to talk to them, to eat with them, to laugh with them, to live with them. I did not anymore know how to be with them. I fell out of love with my family for a long time ago. two things, I knew, had caused such tragic chapter in my human life; distance and instance. 

Separation from my family in the prime of my teenage life played a vital role in the turn of this unfortunate event. It was when I was creating my identity, that they were not there. Yes, they were there in the important celebration I had, simply to celebrate, not knowing the hardships I had undergone to gain such triumph. In spirit they were there in my battlefields, shedding sweat and blood with me in spirit, but never in reality. 

The community, my brothers, were there with me as I walk through the dark alleys of life. They were with me, in reality, They were there at my worst. They were there when I was molding myself into a self I so desired. 

The community, my brothers, was there in the critical and defining moments of my life. My family was not there. Indeed, I realized how much I fell in love with my community, and consequently, fell out of love with my family. 

In the summer of 2011, I realized I had lost someone, something along my way towards self-actualization. I had lost my family and the love that exists between us. 

But I did not succumb to the bitterness and painfulness of this fact. Reality is significant. But the choice we make in it and for it, takes precedence. Reality does not dictate who we are, what we are. Such are tasks bestow upon us to fulfill. Whether in love or out of love, it is our choice. 

I fell out of love with my family. Now, I choose to fall in love again, with them. Love, after all, is sweeter the second time around.