THE PSI EXPERIENCE

An Evaluation of the PSI (Psycho-Spiritual Integration) Program facilitated by Emmaus Center for Psycho-Spiritual Formation (Philippines)

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I went to Baguio with a firm and resolved heart that I am fine; that I do not have any personal problems that I could not handle. I was wrong. As I underwent the meticulous process of PSI, of unraveling the fibers of my very own life, I realized I have problems too. And that is fine, in fact that is pretty normal to us humans. We all have problems, issues, if you want to call them as such. But the more important question then is not ‘Whether you have problems or none?’ rather it is ‘Whether I acknowledge and honor my problems, issues or not?’ To acknowledge and to honor the totality of our selves, I believe, is one of the core values of the PSI experience. Often we are afraid to admit some truths in our lives, preferring to project a flawless and perfect image to others. But we do not have to. Ours is an imperfect world. We do not have to be otherwise, especially, if in the process we deny our real self, our true selves in exchange of a mask, a fake self. Such is a complete failure of acknowledging and honoring one’s self, with all its problems and issues. It is in this context, of acknowledging and honoring ourselves that true healing can begin. 

The main framework of the program evolves around the Freudian psychoanalysis; on the conscious, sub-conscious, and unconscious. Initially, I was hesitant to join the program or even to actively participate with it. I am a firm believer of each person’s capacity to transcend his past experiences, to overcome traumatic events in his life. No one deserves to be boxed (compartmentalized) by the wounds of his past. A person is more than his past. With much faith, I still joined and participated in the program. And I was glad that the second part of the program discussed well what I believe man is capable of; transcendence. An important part of this process of transcending one’s self from the life-events is to undergo the tiresome and sometimes painful process of going through those events, needs, desires, etc., again and again, until one is able to accept them, learn to own them, act upon them with much discernment. This part of the process of transcending is often neglected, hastily done to avoid confrontation, and to fulfill our natural tendency to avoid pain. But one must undergo these processes to allow understanding, and healing to commence; genuine healing, which are prerequisite for transcendence, overcoming the past to be able to live the present.  

 

The program was given to us, post-STB brothers. And I think such move is proper and opportune. As brothers being prepared to the final ditch of formation before ordination, we were given the opportunity to look into ourselves, to our motivations, needs, tendency etc. that can be of great help in an ordained life and ministries. We were tasked to open ourselves, our stories, our wounds, our brokenness, to see the challenges ahead of us, but without the danger of being melodramatic because of the degree of maturity present within. The knowledge and maturity of the participants allowed the implementation of the program in a more serious tone, bringing out the optimum result of self-integration.

The participants of the program came from various male and female congregations (Dominicans, Vincentians, Passionists, Carmelites, Diocesan, Poor Claires, Verbum Dei, Good Shepherd, etc). And I think this setup has its advantages. It enabled us to interact with other congregations, establishing friendship, sharing of common and unique experiences in the formation and ministries. Congregational values were shared among us. It made possible for to us to recognize the beauty of their spirituality and way of life, more so our very own spirituality. But the richness of the experiences shared resonates not only from the novelty of each congregations but also from life experiences of the participants, whose ages range from 21 to 66 years old.

I came back to Santo Domingo disturbed, disturbed from complacency, from being satisfied the way I easily handle my personal problems and issues, hastily seeking automatic answers. I am disturbed by the knowledge that I have my own imperfections and brokenness. I am disturbed. But is not disturbance what we pray for to the Lord? When we become contented on things that can still be improved, we pray for disturbance. When we stagnate on a particular phase of our life, when we thought it is the best and we refuse to move on, we pray for disturbance. When we think that the Lord has no room in our lives for we have done all things well, we pray for disturbance. When we believe that everything is right, when in fact it is otherwise, we pray for disturbance. And as we pray, the Lord gently disturbs us from our blindness and deep slumber to look into the realities and truths about our lives; truths that we have to face in order for healing and growth to take place.     

I went to Baguio with a firm and resolved heart that I am fine. I came back to Santo Domingo disturbed by the knowledge that I have my own imperfections and brokenness. I am disturbed but I am neither worried nor in despair. I haven’t process my personal problems and issues yet (Sixteen days is not enough). But at least I know now where to begin with. And this time, in the right way and at the right place. The PSI provides handles through which we can hold on as we try to acknowledge, honor, accept and discern the things about us, in our lives. These handles are pivot tools as I venture to my quest for that inner fire. The PSI is over, but the real quest only just began.